Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Non-Scale Victories

( i am not going to apologize for my dismal blog posting record anymore. if you happen to be a regular reader of this little ditty you already know that i am a total slacker)

Those readers who are WLS post-ops most likely know what i mean when i say "non-scale victory", but just in case you do not, or happen to be a non-op, you need to understand that when we (WLS patients) first begin our new lives post op, every ounce lost is a victory over the scale.  But, there are many other victories that dont involve the scale at all. Every size of clothing lost. Every obesity related medication stopped. Every CPAP returned to the medical equipment company (or in my case, placed in the attic--dont ask me why  i kept it--i have no clue, its just up there).Being able to secure your seat belt in the car without cutting off your circulation or air supply. Every flight of stairs taken without feeling like you need an oxygen tank at the top. Every trip past a full length mirror where you do a double take. Being able to shop in a "normal" size clothing store. These are non-scale victories. As we progress in our journey and the weight loss slows and eventually grinds to a halt, those victories become fewer and farther apart. And sometimes, they can become your lifeline, the only thing keeping you from making bad decisions that lead to regain (and self loathing). It had been quite a while since i had experienced one of these WOW moments. i have even begun to feel like a bit of a failure. But today i had an awesome NSV--i was able to complete 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer at the gym WITHOUT STOPPING ONCE!  i could have even kept going! Driving home from the gym, i just could not stop thinking about how far i have come, 5 years ago i would not even attempt the elliptical for fear of dropping dead from cardiac arrest.  And just one month ago, our first day back in the gym, i wanted to quit after 5 minutes and wanted to DIE after 7! So, to me, 30 minutes is freaking AMAZING and a total NSV! I am trying to build my endurance up as i have decided my new goal is to run a 5k without walking or stopping.

So, after reflecting on my accomplishment today,  i realized i need to start focusing on, and celebrating ALL of my NSVs as often as possible. Because i AM victorious and i need to remember how far i have come, and where i NEVER want to return.

So, What are your non-scale victories???

Confession Session;
#1.  my playlist for the gym includes TikTok by Ke$ha (hey,dont judge me, it has a nice beat to keep my pace up!)
#2. there is this skinny, blonde chick who works out at my gym. i get through my workouts by imagining her getting hit by a bus. or falling off a cliff. or running headfirst into a wall. i am aware that its very "ally mcbeal", but its what gets me through.  :) (insert evil laugh here)

currently obsessing on:
raw almonds. chobani greek peach yogurt. getting my plastic surgery (gonna try for november)
currently listening to:
Joan Jett--i hate myself for loving you ( on an 80s kick again--or was that late 70s?)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

i would be in some deep doo-doo if Jillian Michaels was my trainer!

i finally got off my butt and joined the gym. i much prefer to walk or ride my bike, but there is no denying that i desperately need the toning and muscle building that weight training provides. so we (my 14 year old and myself) joined last week and we have went 4 times. Yaaaay us!

confession session:
#1.on some of the upper body equipment at the gym, i am incapable of lifting ANY added weight, and also incapable of doing all of the reps our trainer has ordered. so i just did 10, and promptly wanted to DIE. i confess i let Brock (the trainer) think i did all the reps.
#2. my wii fit mii is a fatty. its so depressing when you have lost over 130 pounds to have a video game tell you that you are STILL obese. apparently i have to lose at least another 10 pounds to qualify as "overweight" ! so i confess that when i got on the wii fit the other day, i increased my height by an inch and said my clothes were really heavy prior to weighing in... because i have gained a couple of pounds and i just dont want my mii to get any fatter.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

how sad, i broke 1000 and didnt even know it!

hello everyone... i knew i have been MIA from the blog for a while, but i didn't realize it had been over two months!!! i have a link to my page on my tool bar, and i look at it often (as in every time i am online) and think, "hmmm do i have anything blogworthy to post?" or "do i feel like confessing my failures?" to which my answer is:  "no, not tonight" and then i proceed on to facebook, eggfaceobesity helppouch party or
 La Fleur Rebelle (my most frequently stalked sites). but, tonight i thought, "i don't have anything truly bogworthy, but let me check my stats" lo and behold, when i checked my "page views" i was at 1,012!!!!!! after i picked my jaw up off the floor, (and did a little happy dance) i thought "well, THIS is blogworthy!" let us commence with celebrating !!! (woot woot boogie boogie LOL)
since im blogging, i guess i will update y'all on some goings on in my world....
i finally went for my plastic surgery consult! it went great, i just loooved Dr. Saunders--he is very down to earth, great bedside manner, and his staff is pretty awesome too! i am proceeding with the process, just have to get my rear in gear on sending them my letters of medical necessity and they will submit for pre-approval. but the hubby and i talked about what would happen if we get an insurance denial and he said that we would just make payments for as long as we needed because he knows how important it is for me to get the reconstruction for my self esteem and mental health! sorry ladies, but i got the pick of the litter! i will make sure to post any updates with my status as they happen. i am hoping to go at the end of May but it may wind up being in the early fall.  i must admit that i was very worried the Dr would tell me i was crazy to think i could even think about having the surgery until i lost the 20 pounds i had gained, but he actually told me that i was an excellent candidate! yaaaaay!!! he said that he believed that between my breast reduction and abdominoplasty i could expect to lose 15 to 20  pounds! double yaaaaay!!! so i am pretty stoked about that!
Confession #1: i  have been struggling with my demons lately. specifically, carbs. i have been eating candy occasionally and we have been eating out ALOT. those calories add up sooo quickly. i have been frequenting a WLS online support group for people who are pretty far out from surgery and it has been helping. i am trying to be accountable for everything i put in my mouth, but that is so much easier said than done.
Confession #2: carbs are not my only demon...i haven't been exercising. AT ALL. enough said, huh? i don't even have a good excuse. we have been very busy, but i am just lazy. i totally admit that i could (and SHOULD) be carving out even just 15 min a day, but i haven't.   but-- i am going with my sis to check out a new gym later this week, and the weather is warming up so that means outside walking/bike riding is on the horizon. i got a set of those Nordic walking poles as a Christmas gift and am anxious to start using them. its supposed to be in the sixties tomorrow, so i am right now, this very minute, promising myself that i will walk tomorrow, even if its just 15 minutes.
i think i am going to add this "confession session" to each blog post from now on--it fits nicely with the title...it can be my little gimmick. what do you think?
so i guess that's it for now. i am so glad i decided to check my stats!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

i resolve to...

hmmm, wow. a new year. in the past i would always make my list of resolutions and, for as long as i can remember, the top of the list was to lose weight. oh, it was worded differently through the years, "lose (x) pounds by summer" or "get into a size (insert magic# here) by (magic date)" of course, sometimes it was just simply "lose weight". after having WLS there has been one standard on my list each year, "be kinder to your body by living a healthier lifestyle and set a good example for your kids." this year, i am adding another: "do not allow your mistakes to define who you are." the beauty of this resolution is that i can apply it to all aspects of my life, such as my Christianity, and my marriage, parenting, friendships, work and, pretty far down on the list, my diet. i used to see a counselor, and she told me once that i suffered from "failed perfection syndrome". not sure if you can find that in a text book, but basically she meant that i strive so hard to do everything just right, that when i mess up, i let the perceived failure define me and then i give up and beat myself up over it. at the time, i thought she had been smoking something wacky, but i have come to understand what she meant. and that she was right. the cure is to not set such high expectations of myself. strive to be MY best, not what i think the world would perceive as the best. but i also have to learn that if i make a mistake, that is not failure, but a learning opportunity. hmmm, there may be hope for me yet!  happy new year to all those reading this blog, i hope that this year you are all just a little kinder to yourself, as well as to others.