Non-Scale Victories

( i am not going to apologize for my dismal blog posting record anymore. if you happen to be a regular reader of this little ditty you already know that i am a total slacker)

Those readers who are WLS post-ops most likely know what i mean when i say "non-scale victory", but just in case you do not, or happen to be a non-op, you need to understand that when we (WLS patients) first begin our new lives post op, every ounce lost is a victory over the scale.  But, there are many other victories that dont involve the scale at all. Every size of clothing lost. Every obesity related medication stopped. Every CPAP returned to the medical equipment company (or in my case, placed in the attic--dont ask me why  i kept it--i have no clue, its just up there).Being able to secure your seat belt in the car without cutting off your circulation or air supply. Every flight of stairs taken without feeling like you need an oxygen tank at the top. Every trip past a full length mirror where you do a double take. Being able to shop in a "normal" size clothing store. These are non-scale victories. As we progress in our journey and the weight loss slows and eventually grinds to a halt, those victories become fewer and farther apart. And sometimes, they can become your lifeline, the only thing keeping you from making bad decisions that lead to regain (and self loathing). It had been quite a while since i had experienced one of these WOW moments. i have even begun to feel like a bit of a failure. But today i had an awesome NSV--i was able to complete 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer at the gym WITHOUT STOPPING ONCE!  i could have even kept going! Driving home from the gym, i just could not stop thinking about how far i have come, 5 years ago i would not even attempt the elliptical for fear of dropping dead from cardiac arrest.  And just one month ago, our first day back in the gym, i wanted to quit after 5 minutes and wanted to DIE after 7! So, to me, 30 minutes is freaking AMAZING and a total NSV! I am trying to build my endurance up as i have decided my new goal is to run a 5k without walking or stopping.

So, after reflecting on my accomplishment today,  i realized i need to start focusing on, and celebrating ALL of my NSVs as often as possible. Because i AM victorious and i need to remember how far i have come, and where i NEVER want to return.

So, What are your non-scale victories???

Confession Session;
#1.  my playlist for the gym includes TikTok by Ke$ha (hey,dont judge me, it has a nice beat to keep my pace up!)
#2. there is this skinny, blonde chick who works out at my gym. i get through my workouts by imagining her getting hit by a bus. or falling off a cliff. or running headfirst into a wall. i am aware that its very "ally mcbeal", but its what gets me through.  :) (insert evil laugh here)

currently obsessing on:
raw almonds. chobani greek peach yogurt. getting my plastic surgery (gonna try for november)
currently listening to:
Joan Jett--i hate myself for loving you ( on an 80s kick again--or was that late 70s?)

i would be in some deep doo-doo if Jillian Michaels was my trainer!

i finally got off my butt and joined the gym. i much prefer to walk or ride my bike, but there is no denying that i desperately need the toning and muscle building that weight training provides. so we (my 14 year old and myself) joined last week and we have went 4 times. Yaaaay us!

confession session:
#1.on some of the upper body equipment at the gym, i am incapable of lifting ANY added weight, and also incapable of doing all of the reps our trainer has ordered. so i just did 10, and promptly wanted to DIE. i confess i let Brock (the trainer) think i did all the reps.
#2. my wii fit mii is a fatty. its so depressing when you have lost over 130 pounds to have a video game tell you that you are STILL obese. apparently i have to lose at least another 10 pounds to qualify as "overweight" ! so i confess that when i got on the wii fit the other day, i increased my height by an inch and said my clothes were really heavy prior to weighing in... because i have gained a couple of pounds and i just dont want my mii to get any fatter.

Scale Wars

I have such a sick, dependent relationship with my scale. If it gives me a number I like, all is well with the world, and if not, well then, warn everyone within a 10 mile radius to beware of sudden mood swings. I want so badly to get to a point where I can say to myself, "ok Self, this is what you weigh...and guess what?? its OK!" my world shouldn't suddenly tilt on its axis because I gained or lost a pound. I could be having a "IfeelgreatIamsostrongmylifeisAwesome" kind of day, and suddenly I get the (not-so)bright idea to check my weight, fully expecting to see an encouraging number. But, no-ooo, I GAINED a pound, or two, or three (u get the point) and what happens? I tail-spin. Good-Bye Good Mood, nice knowing you. In walks the twins, Frustration and Fear.  The logical, intelligent, non-obsessive side of my brain KNOWS its most likely water (and/or [forgive me] 'really need to poo') weight, but the irrational, obsessive, self-destructive part of my brain lets the twins move right on in, along with all their CRAP.  Let me introduce you to the first twin, Frustration. She is a real pain in the rear. Her favorite things to say are "Come on, you have been doing everything you are supposed to and you still GAINED?? Well, you might as well say 'screw it' and just eat whatever you feel like because it doesnt make a difference, you aren't EVER going to get to goal." She's fun, huh? Well, her sister Fear is usually nearby. She is quieter than Frustration, but even more powerful.  Most of the time Fear is saying "You are going to gain it all back. It doesnt matter how much you have lost you are still the fat girl. They didn't fix you."  But the scariest part is that she is right. They didn't "fix" me. All they did was give me a tool, the fixing part is entirely up to me. I have to learn to stick my fingers in my ears and sing 'lalalala I can't hear you lalala." when they show up. I have to learn from mistakes, keep moving forward, and kick the twins to the curb. maybe someday I will, along with my scale.

enjoy these cartoons i found on the web:)